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Bidet...New Shows...And A Mexico Cab Story

Apr 18 | Posted by: Bill Whyte |
BILL BLOG
Tuesday April 18, 2017
Hopefully your taxes are done...and you're getting a big ole refund in the mail!
YESTERDAY
Well...I had to smile when I opened my e-mail for my parody song request coming from New York yesterday.  Apparently...bidets are increasing in sales.  Uh huh.  Now...our master bath actually has a bidet.  We've had the house for a looong time.  Apparently the folks who built this house and sold it to us....included a wife who insisted on one of those things that squirts water and cleans your derriere.  I have never had the nerve to even turn it on.  If we had a cat...we might let them drink from it. 
I'm not sure what the attraction is to tell ya the truth.  One could save money by just having their spouse hit them with a water gun down south....but it's hard to get them to volunteer for that kind of duty.  
Yep...yesterday was a first.  A parody song about bidet.  For the record...I changed the words to the Brad Paisley hit "Water".  You can use your imagination as to what the lyrics are.
NEW DATES
I also put some new dates on my performing calendar.  Mid August I'll be back at the Smoky Mt. Songwriters Festival in Gatlinburg at the foot of the Smoky Mountains.  Two days of it will have me and my friend Steve Dean co-writing a couple of songs with local writers from that area who sign up.  Always fun.  And then our "Hits & Grins" trio will play at least once during this great festival.  August 16-19.  Make plans to join us if you like log cabins, mountains, taffy, putt putt golf and songwriters shows.
ALSO:
I think our "Hits & Grins" trio MAY play CMA Fest this year in Nashville.  I should know very soon but it looks good.  I've worked CMA Fest...what used to be Fan Fair several years.  The first time as a young artist...that nobody knew...signing autographs in an autograph booth.  And then for many years I hosted radio shows from Milwaukee, Indianapolis, Cincinnati and Nashville "live" from CMA Fest.
However...I've never played CMA Fest once.  So after all these years...it would be kind of a cool thing to say I got to do it.  So...fingers crossed...and I'll let ya know soon on this.
WILLING
If you did not see this on my Facebook page...check out this VIDEO.  It's of a young girl from Georgia and her friend playing music behind her while she sings a song that Steve Dean and I co-wrote titled "Willing".  You can hear how she found the story when you listen and watch the video.  Young Emily Vance did a great job with our song as you'll hear.  It's just one of those cool stories about how songs seem to find their way.
HOCKEY
Our Predators are having a great early run in the Stanley Cup Playoffs...up 3-0 now on te Chicago Blackawks after an overtime win last night here in Music City with the place going bonkers.  Yep...they love hockey in the south.  Go figure.
Carrie Underwood sang the anthem out on the ice last night.  She's married to team Captain so that's cool.  But...my favorite part was when 4 or 5 fans tossed catfish out on the ice.  Uh huh.  Normally...the tradition is octopus.  We're in the south.  Catfish over the glass.  I keep thinking the Arizona COYOTES will sooner or later get with the program out west. 
UNITED JOKES KEEP COMING
This from editorial cartoonist Daryl Cagle.  The United employee checking in a customer says, "There will be a $50 fee to check your bag and for an extra $75 we'll promise not to assault you."
UBER
I've never taken an Uber.  Heck...I rarely take a Taxi.  You tip in a taxi....maybe not so on an Uber ride.  But that may change as NY is trying to put the "tip" on the Uber app when you use it.  Not sure why so many sign up to drive knowing they may not get a tip...but they have.  Maybe now there will be something more in it for those drivers trying to make some extra dough.
I can tell you one GREAT true Taxi story that happened to me.  I was in El Paso...playing a two week gig with my band.  Juarez is the border town...and I had never been to Mexico and wanted to go over on my off day between the two weeks.  Nobody else in the band wanted to.  So...I call a cab.  I ask him to take me to the dog track in Juarez that I had read about.  Crossing over into the border he asks if I have ever been to a dog race and if I knew how to bet the dogs?  I admitted it was a first time.  Then...he asks if I knew how to drink Mexican beer?  Again...nope from me.  Heck...I'd never ordered a Mexican beer period.
So...this cabbie says, "pay me this flat rate" and I'll go with you.  Seriously. He shut his cab down for the night.   He taught me how to read a racing form...and how to salt and lime the rim of the Mexican beer can.  We had the greatest time!  And even with the flat rate...I tipped him.  Out Uber that story!
SQUEEZE IT IN
The founder of "Spanx"...the stuff that holds stuff in...looks to be set up to join the Sharks on the TV hit "Shark Tank" every now and then.  Her name is Sara Blakely.  She cut off the bottom of panty hose once and got the idea for Spanx.  She's now worth over a BILLION dollars!
Wanna get rich?  America is not going to get skinnier.  Anything that makes ya look thinner?  Good chance you'll make money. 
I can tell you if you enough duct tape around your belly and then put on an over-sized shirt...you look a little skinnier.  You talk in a higher pitch...but you look skinnier.  Don't ask me how I know.
SPEAKING OF WHICH
Experts say "sleeping naked" is actually good for you health.  I have to send those folks who released that info a note.  Last night I tried it and it made my wife sick.  Flawed data.
OLD REALLY OLD
The worlds new oldest person lives in Jamaica.  She's 117 years old.  Her son is 97.  Whatever they be smokin' be workin' mon. 
TODAY
I have a very fun songwriting appointment today with Linda Davis and Bobby Tomberlin.  Bobby recorded a song on his new CD the three of us wrote together "Looking For Audrey" which is all about the ghost of Hank Williams looking for his wife "Audrey"...realizing that she truly was the one he loved...even though his drinking and bad habits drove her away.  I'm hoping we can find that kind of magic again today.
And then it's time to pack for the road.  Gulf Shores,  Jacksonville, and Tampa are on this little music-baseball run.  More on that in tomorrow's blog.
Have a great Tuesday!

 

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